Life is an Adventure

Youth group: last night.  12 teens, 6 adults, sitting around my friends living room.  Awkward looks across the room. How is this going to go? Am I really prepared to do this?  

Of course I am.  

I love youth group.  

Stressful as they may be to work with at times, and yesterday was definitely a stressful day, I love working with teenagers.  

And the series that we are starting with is so much fun.  Life is an adventure.  

So here are the basics of it:

There seems to be this formula for being a Christian that we all think we have to follow to make it to heaven one day.  But look for more unique, or beyond the normal ways of spending time with God.

When asked what they thought of when asked how to spend time with God, we got a whole list of church answers.  You know what I’m talking about. Read my Bible. Pray. Go to church.  

Don’t get me wrong, I do think those things are important.  Because they are. But they are far from the only ways to spend time with God.  

Several people opened up last night that they struggle with reading the Bible.  They just simply struggle with being able to comprehend what it actually means, or the message that it is trying to convey.  I get it. Been there myself. Some days, I still am there myself.  Because when it gets into Deuteronomy and it keeps listing the rules over and over and over and OVER again, my eyes start to cross, and I simply start to wander off into la la land.  

It happens.

Don’t tell me you’ve never experienced it.

But there are strategies to help focus more, and to understand what the Bible is actually talking about.  For one, I started reading a Life Application Study Bible. So beyond actually reading what the Bible says, super smart people also tell us what’s actually going on, why it is important, and how you can apply principles that were established thousands of years ago, to life today.  For example, in my Old Testament reading I am currently in Exodus, and it’s the part where Moses is explaining all of the rituals that God commanded them to have in order to worship Him.  

The first few times I read this, I thought it was absurd.  And I didn’t understand it. And I got frustrated. But there was one comment in my Bible that has helped me tremendously.  People living at that time didn’t know how to worship.

Did you catch that?

Worshiping God was a completely brand new concept.  

So looking at this, reading this, from the perspective that I have, where people have worshiped God for thousands of years, we kind of know what to do.  

But back in the day, no one had any idea of what to do, or how to worship.  What they weren’t supposed to do, or wear, or anything.  

So knowing that one teeny, tiny piece of information makes complete sense.  So now I’m reading with that lens in place, and it is far less ridiculous.  

If you go back to the beginning of what I was writing in this post, you should recall that our discussion last night centered around the non-formulaic ways to spend time with God.  And then I brought up Exodus, and the very strict formula they were given to worship God. So why did things change? 

Easy.

Jesus.

Jesus changed everything.  

Jesus made this relationship possible. His life, his death, his sacrifice, made my life possible.

So…adventures.

The last big adventure I went on was near the end of summer, and I went on a short trip with 2 of my girlfriends from college, to celebrate our 20th anniversary.  Which just seems ludicrous. Because there is no possible way that I started college 20 years ago. Except, we did. So when we started planning this trip, and the location that we chose, it was mentioned that ziplining was available.  

My mom has even stated that she wanted to try ziplining sometime.

So I mentioned that I had never went, and I needed to check it off my bucket list.

I’m an idiot.

Because guess what?

I hate heights.  Like, really hate them.  A lot. Just thinking about it gives me heart palpitations.  And I might cry. Or pee my pants a little.

Ok, maybe not.  

So first of all, let me tell you one thing.  When we actually made the plans to go ziplining, I started praying.  A lot. Because I honestly wasn’t sure I was going to be able to make it.  So I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. Before, during, and after.  

If life, and my relationship with God, is an adventure, I think my experience ziplining describes it quite perfectly.  When I was standing on the platform, getting hooked up to the line, I was terrified. Absolutely terrified. I was scared to take that leap the very first time.  Because I had no idea what to expect. Am I really about to trust a harness and a little strip of cord to support me and carry me to the next platform? What is it going to feel like?  Am I going to vomit? I had no idea what to expect.  

For those of you who are tentative about beginning a relationship with God, you may feel much like I did standing on that platform.

But I lept.  And it was amazing.  

I landed on the next platform, that happened to be up a tree.  So we’re all standing on the platform, and it’s swaying a little.  And I really think that I might puke. I am completely freaking out yet again.  And then it was my turn to zip once again. I stood up to get attached to the line.  And I couldn’t lift my feet. I thought they were going to have to push me. But then I had the realization that being stuck up the tree was my problem.  That is what was making me nervous. I knew that as soon as I lifted my feet, and trusted the line and the harness and our guides, I would be perfectly fine.

And.  I. Was.  

Maybe you’re exactly where I was up in that tree.  You’ve began your relationship with God, but you’ve landed on the platform, which isn’t a bad place to be.  But you’re afraid to move forward. You’re afraid to take the leap, because you just aren’t sure of what is going to happen.  Things turned out fine the first time, but what if the next time, they don’t. What if it isn’t going to feel the same? What if it’s worse?  

Well, guess what?  I had 7 lines to zip.  And every single time I had to lift my feet and jump, it kept getting easier and easier.  

By the end, I wasn’t holding on with a death grip.  I was relaxing, and going with the flow. I even let myself flip upside down, because I trusted that I would be ok.

Your relationship with God is and adventure.  It can and it will be scary sometimes.  But in the end, it is so totally and completely worth it.

Personally, I can’t wait to go ziplining again.

Yes, you can be nervous.  But take the leap. I promise, it’s worth it.  

Live the adventure.

Love the adventure.

Please. Send. Coffee.

Power outage.

CO2 detector battery dies.

Weird noises in my basement.

The dad makes early morning trip to my house.

Power comes back on.

Check out basement.

Weird noises turn out to be water pump failure.

Make early morning trek to the parents house to get ready for school.

Me: Good morning.  I’d really like to tell you I’m happy to see you.  But I’m not.

Mom: I’m not happy to see you either.

So that’s how my morning got kicked off.  And even though I really am not a fan of how my morning started, I’m not grouchy.  Because I can see God working through the entire morning.  If my power hadn’t went off, and the CO2 detectors battery wouldn’t have died, my dad wouldn’t have been at my house when the power came back on, only to realize that my water pump had already died.

And to be honest, there is some family drama going on this week with my dad’s sister and her husband, who I refuse to call my aunt and uncle.  Because they certainly don’t act like it.  So maybe all of this is a way to get my dad’s mind off of the stuff going on.  Maybe.

But as I walked into the kitchen at my parents house, my dad commented on my dress.  It’s a nice looking dress.  One that I have often hesitated wearing to school because I didn’t want to feel too dressed up.  Well, I have all of these nice clothes, so I am wearing them this year.  And as I told the dad, just because my day got a less than stellar start, doesn’t mean I have to take that to school with me.  No matter what is going on in my own personal life, the kids I work with deserve the best possible me I can give them.

So, here I am.  Getting ready to start my day.  With a smile on my face.

But seriously, send coffee.  I’m exhausted.

Out Of My Comfort Zone

I tend to shy away from discussing controversial topics.  I don’t engage in pointless arguments on social media. In fact, if you follow me on social media, you will find I talk about 3 main things:  coffee, funny stuff to put a smile on your face, or something uplifting. And that’s basically it.  

But here I am, stepping out of my comfort zone because I feel God calling me to do this.  You should also know that right now, right this very second, my heart is beating faster, and my stomach is in knots because I’m writing this.  

Way out of my comfort zone is an understatement.

But here goes…

“I don’t need you.  I want you.”

I have never told a greater lie to myself.  

But for many, many years, that was my slogan when it came to dating.  Because I was a strong and independent woman, and I didn’t need anyone to fulfill my life.

While some of that principle isn’t entirely accurate, the base of it is still true.  Because I don’t need another human. I need God.

But…

As humans, we need one another.  We do. I cannot survive in this world alone.  There is no possible way that I could survive without the help from others.  I assure you that should I be dropped in the middle of the woods and left to survive on just the things in the woods, I would starve, or my klutzy behind would inevitably do something insane and end up damaging myself beyond repair.

There are people out there that could do those things.

I am certainly not one of them.

When the feminist movement began, it was about having equal rights.  Not being forced to jobs that we didn’t want to do, nor get paid a pittance for doing such a job.  Ending women feeling like second class citizens.  It was about women standing up and saying “I can do this, too. I can do it well. And I should get paid for doing it well.”  But even by the end of the original feminist movement, those that started it no longer supported how far things had gone.

Because if I paid attention to what society thinks I should do, I should have a husband and kids, and work a full time job, and keep my house spotless, and cook amazing meals every night of the week, and do all of the housework, and volunteer.  

So let me clue you in on a little secret.  

If you follow the guidelines that society is setting up for you, you will fail.

Read that again.

You.  Will. Fail.

Miserably.

I tend to consider myself more of a common-sensical feminist.  It follows one simple guideline:

Intelligence is knowing you can do ANYTHING.  Wisdom is knowing you cannot do EVERYTHING.

I do many things that are not what you would consider “girly.”  I build furniture, and I love mowing the lawn, and helping my dad farm.  Yes, I drive a tractor. But I also know that it is not possible for me to do everything all on my own.  

Ask my dad.  As a single woman, I call on him a lot to help me with things around the farm.  

God designed women to be a partner and support system.  And I’m not really sure I understand why all of a sudden that seemed to be a bad thing.  

A while back, I was talking to a fellow teacher.  And his assessment of the world we live in (specifically, with teenagers), he is convinced that women are going to end up ruling the world.  And honestly, if you look at the maturity level between Freshman girls and boys, he is correct. At that age, boys are simply not as mature as girls.  My response was to use the analogy of a farmer…

Looking back to days gone by, to the present, in most cases (certainly not all) the man is the farmer.  He works in the field, he stresses over whether or not to do this or do that. So yes, the man is the farmer.  But if you look at his wife, and all of the tasks she manages to be able to support that farmer: cooking meals, laundry, helping out on the farm.  All of the tasks that she does allows the farm to run smoothly. Both roles are vitally important.  With the roles that women have, we already rule the world.  We just don’t always get credit for it.

So if you are in the position of serving, helping, being a teammate, don’t ever look down on your support role.  

Because without every role being managed, we will fail.

We all must work together.

One ill side effect of the feminist movement that is rather frustrating to deal with is that because women are standing up and saying “I don’t need no man” we are creating a generation of lazy men.

Not all men are lazy.  I get that. Don’t get all kerflusterbated at me.

But some men see that women are pushing them aside to do tasks themselves, and they end up completely content to just sit back and let someone else do it.  And more than anything, it leads to a lack of respect. Take for example, men opening the door for women. Yes, I can physically open a door myself. But I love it when men still open the door for me.  Because that is their way of saying, you know what, yes you can do it yourself. But you don’t have to do everything by yourself.  

So, women, can we please stop accepting the lack of respect, the downright awful expectation, of needing to do absolutely everything to feel like a success? 

BE THE CHANGE

Sometimes, out of the blue, wonderful things happen.

Yesterday, I had 2 amazing, albeit brief, wonderful conversations.  One with our School Board president. The other with our Superintendent.  I complimented his polka dot tie (because, how can you not compliment a polka dot tie).  And then he told me how he always appreciates how sunny I am.

And then I almost died eating a grape at lunch.

It’s called “balance.”

A weird thing happened on Sunday.  There was an event Sunday evening at church to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of a mission organization that one of my friends works for.  And I’m hanging out, talking to a few of my friends, and I look over to see 2 students across the sanctuary. Let’s just say, I was shocked that these 2 were at church.  Let alone sober. And then something even more weird happened. They purposely walked all the way across the sanctuary, specifically to say hi to me.  

I’m taking it as a positive thing that they were there, even if one of their mothers forced them to go.  But maybe, just maybe, a seed was planted.

I was telling one of my teacher friends about this encounter, and she told me that I should be the one to make the difference for those two kiddos.  

Of course, my initial reaction was “oh heck to the no.”  

I really have no interest in seeking out opportunities that are going to make me pull my hair out.  

But then I keep looking at one of the posters in my classroom, the one that I wrote myself.  The one that says:

“BE THE CHANGE”

Ok God, how exactly am I supposed to do that?  I am NOT equipped to handle such an endeavor.  

But as we know all too well, God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called.  So, this should be interesting.

Why So Serious???

Life gets in the way.  Things happen.  

The other night, I started to have a pity party.  Not a huge, mega, the world is ending pity party. More of a “I’m over this malarkey” kind of pity party.  

Let me take a couple of steps back, and explain.  Because a lot of things have been going on…

• My brother has issues with alcohol, and his marriage dissolved, which has created some drama.
• I was getting ready to start school to get my Master’s, and the day before class starts, it turns out that I really shouldn’t have been going down that path.
• My aunt disappeared from life, and refused to continue helping out my grandma.
• School (my job) started.
• Trying to figure out what God’s plan for my life actually is.
• Being compelled to keep telling my story.

There are probably more.  But the main thing you need to take away is…many, many things have been going on.  Things that compel me to be a sponsible redult. And I don’t always want to be a sponsible redult.  

So the other night, I started having a pity party.  I left for my walk (which was abbreviated, because I also had to mow my lawn).  And I just didn’t want to be the girl with the bad back story. The one where I’m always and forever the girl that was abused.  It’s a tough story to tell. So there I was, walking along. And all of a sudden, my heart hears “WHY SO SERIOUS?!?!?!?!”

I admit, amidst everything else that has been going on, having fun has taken a bit of a back burner.  

I know that my writing recently hasn’t really shown this, but…I’m kind of a goof.  Because, you can, in fact, be a goof AND a responsible adult at the same time.

True story.

So even though I’m still feeling the stress of everything else, the weight seems a little lighter today.  

Which is an awesome thing.  

I’m exhausted today, and have been all week.  Plus, tomorrow is Friday the 13th AND an almost full moon.  Which in the community of teachers is one of the absolute most terrifying things, ever.  But last night started a new chapter. I have been a high school youth leader in the past.  But between leaving a church, and being burnt out, I took a year off. But God has opened a wonderful door.  And last night was our first session. And these kids are awesome. And I’m really excited about the new opportunity to work with these kiddos.  Because even though I get to see them every day at school, there is a huge difference between the conversations Ms. Hooks gets to have with them compared to the conversations Johanna can have with them.  And it’s just going to be awesome.  

Ok, so I’m still not being a goof.  I get that. So let me tell you what happened last night…before youth group started.

We have been doing a lot of functional things around the farm, to make things work better.  Burying electric lines to the machine shed. Widening the entrance to the driveway, that ended up being a 6 month nightmare.  And long story short, the farm is a complete disaster. But, we are finally making progress. So last night, the dad calls me and asks if I’m going to be home for a while, because a load of rock is getting delivered, and the guy wasn’t quite sure where he was supposed to dump the rock.  Seriously, right next to my driveway is a huge area of dirt that has been cleared to widen the driveway. The dad told him that’s where the rock needed to be dumped. But the guy gets there, and I had to basically point to the exact spot where to dump it, because he just really wasn’t sure where it needed to go.  

Lord love a duck.

I guess common sense just isn’t that common anymore. 

Ugh, Seriously???

I am annoyed.  Mostly with myself.  A little bit with God.  But seriously, it’s with myself.  This is not the story that I want to tell.  But this is the story that I need to tell.  

My mom has the absolute best intentions in the world.  She really does. And I appreciate the intent, even if I don’t always appreciate the actual thing she does.  For years, she would buy me books, or forward me stories of women who had similar stories to mine, in that I’m an old lady, and I’m still single.  Even though I REALLY don’t want to be.  So she would give me these stories of other women who were in similar circumstances for years and years and years.  And then they meet their soulmate, and life is wonderful.

Those stories annoy me.

Because that is the life that I so desperately want to live.  

Because that’s great and fantastic and wonderful that life has worked out for them.  But here I am. And I’m not in the place that I really want to be. And there are days that I just don’t understand why.  Today is one of those days.  

Except, I really do know the reason why.  Because God is telling me to write the story that I needed to read years ago.  The story of how it’s possible to not be exactly where I want to be. But to still live a life full of joy and wonder and love.  

At the end of the day, I am happy.  I really am.  

And there are days (yesterday, and today) where the loneliness weighs a little heavier on my shoulders.  

Because let me tell you about my weekend.  My cousin, who is seriously more like a sister to me, is amazing.  Her husband is amazing. Her kids are the best, except when they shot me in the eye with a Nerf dart.  Over the weekend, she was telling my mom and I about an event that they had been invited to, and someone that has hurt her was also going to be there.  And her husband’s response to this was so simple, yet so powerful. They had decided that they never wanted this person to ever set eyes on their children.  But beyond that, her husband told her that he didn’t want her to have to experience going to this event for her own mental health.  

Later, my only comment to my mom about this was that I love how he defends her, and protects her.  

I want that.

I’ve never come close to having that.

But that is how it is supposed to be.  

The other thing from this weekend is even more ridiculous.  Because Sunday at church, my pastor was talking about his niece, whose husband just had his fifth brain surgery in just a couple of months.  But through it all, how her faith has never wavered. And she is struggling, and is tired, beyond anything you could imagine. 

And one of the first things that went through my mind was “wow, I want a love like that.”  

Yes, I was jealous of the love that this woman has for God, and for her husband.  Not the situation, mind you. Because no one should have to experience anything like that.  But the love that they have is what everyone should have.  

Last night, I went for a walk.  Honestly, I was content to sit at home and do nothing.  Mindless, nothing. But I forced myself to go for a walk.  And it was so hot that I didn’t take Cheese with me. So I walked.  And I prayed. I almost wrote that I walked alone. But I really wasn’t.  God was with me. And I spent a lot of time praying. Praying for God to guide me on what to do.  On what to say. And praying for a miracle.

I have decided that that is exactly what it is going to take for me to find my husband.  I need a miracle.  

I am not one of those people you often hear about where they receive the overt and obvious miracles.  I never have been. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that God isn’t working in my life. I feel Him working in my life every single day.  Just in a more subtle way.  

So right now, where am I at?  

I am still praying until something happens.  At least, I’m trying to. PUSH. Pray. Until.  Something. Happens.

I’m going to be really honest, I was really hoping that I wouldn’t still be praying about that miracle I need.  But I am. I pray every single day for the ways God is working in my life. And to prepare my heart. And to prepare my husband’s heart.  Whoever he is.  

And I am weary from still needing to pray about it.  I still am. But my patience is wearing thin. And I’m not sure how much longer I will need to pray.  But I also know that if I stop praying for this miracle, I won’t get it.

So, annoyed as I am.  I’m still PUSHing.

The Curious Q-Tip Incident

Do you ever look back at events in your past, and realize that though they seemed horrific at the time, they now just seem utterly ridiculous?

I know personally that my brain often doesn’t shut down, and I relive events from my past.  Wishing that I had done something differently. Sometimes in a more positive way. More often thinking that I was just a moron.

And I don’t know if any other survivors of abuse have done this, but recently I have been thinking about one particular “fight” (we’ll call it that) that my ex started with me.  Over Q-tips.  

Yes, you read that correctly.

Q-tips.

For most of my childhood, I was plagued with ear infections.  Plus, I have wet earwax (I honestly didn’t know that there were different types of earwax, until I was in Biology class with my students last year).

According to him, I was “wasteful” and an “idiot” because I chose to use 2 Q-tips after I showered, to clean my ears.

And because he decided I was wrong, yet again, I must be punished.  And I was only allowed to use 1 Q-tip from now on.  And he would be keeping track, and counting exactly how many Q-tips I used.

Absurd, right?

Even more absurd?  Get this, 5 years after I removed myself from the situation, I still only used one Q-tip.

Recently, I have been thinking about the burden that I carry because of what I went through.  And often, the weight of it does not feel as heavy as it once did. But then, I realize why I continue to do some of the things I do.  And the weight all of a sudden feels a little heavier.

One of the things that I have realized over the past 5 years is that forgiveness in these circumstances is vitally important.  It is important because carrying the weight of the lack of forgiveness weighs on my heart. So turning all of that over to God, and allowing him the vengeance that already told us is His, and His alone, frees that weight from my heart and shoulders.  I take comfort in the fact that he will have to face God for the things that he did.

But the other thing that I know for certain is that even though I have forgiven.  Even though I know that I never have to experience anything like that again, I catch myself doing something as a result of the abuse I suffered, and I realize that no matter how much healing I go through, I will continue to carry pieces of that me around.

That isn’t a bad thing.  Not really.

I am a far different person that I was then.  

I am stronger.  I am healthier. I am happy.

But I am forever changed because of what I experienced.  

Every single time I pick up a Q-tip, I am reminded of why I only use one Q-tip.  Except, a couple of weeks ago, I stopped cold in my tracks, and it really hit me why I only use one Q-tip.  And I couldn’t move. For over 5 years, I have dealt with my ears itching all day long because I didn’t clean them out properly.  

5 years!!!

Over a stinking Q-tip that costs about a penny.  

So no more.  I realized that I am not, in fact, being wasteful.  I am taking care of myself. But now, because it was so ingrained in my head only to use one, I have to remind myself some mornings that I can use 2 Q-tips.  

The times that I work through some of these issues, I pray and ask God how many more of these incidents do I have to work through.  I thought I was doing really well. I thought I had gotten over the hump on many of these things. But clearly, I am not all of the way there.  So how many more ridiculous nuances of my life that are a result of abuse must I get over?  

At this point, only God knows the answer to that.

Am I the only one that has this reaction?  Laughing at how idiotic some of the reasons he started a fight truly are? Tell me your stories.

Gluttony

Gluttony: habitual greed or excess in eating.

If you have ever struggled with any type of addiction, I feel you.  If you have ever struggled with an eating disorder, I really feel you.  

But here’s my take.  You can think I’m wrong.  But at least hear me out.

An addiction or struggle with food is the hardest.  It is the most difficult. The most difficult to overcome, the most difficult to move past.  

Why?

You do not physically need alcohol, nicotine, or whatever other chemical you can be addicted to.  

You physically NEED food to survive.  And if you don’t eat, well that’s a completely different kind of addiction, revolving around food.

Do I think breaking an addiction to any of these things is easy?  Absolutely not. Not even close. But with most substances, you can, and do, survive without that substance.

With food, however, you are constantly bombarded with the need to be exposed to your addictive substance.  So yeah, that’s tough.

But I am willing to choose a new perspective on this.  I need to take a new perspective on this. Here goes nothing…

I have long known that gluttony is a subject that the Bible talks about.  It’s one of the 7 deadly sins. And even though I know that the Bible has guidance on this particular subject, I still struggle with it.  I mean, we all struggle with different sins. It’s just that this happens to be one of mine.  

In my opinion, my religion, my relationship with God, I believe the Bible is the truth.  Not only the truth, but the guide book for my life. There isn’t a topic we can deal with that the Bible doesn’t have some guidance on.  It’s just whether we choose to follow what the Bible says.

And sometimes, even though we know what the Bible says about something, we refuse to follow that guidance.  

It happens.  

We are human.

I’m not saying our humanness, and our lack of perfection is an excuse.  

I’m just saying it happens.  And I understand.

For me, I never been purposeful about tying my attempt to lose weight to God’s guidance and direction.  

Instead of tying the two things together, I went about my pursuit of following God, and my pursuit to lose weight on two separate tracks.  

In my belief, my religion, the Bible is our rule book for how God wants us to live our lives.  And, with any set of rules, there are consequences if you don’t follow those rules.

So instead of just counting calories, and exercising to lose weight.  Think about it in the big picture of God’s guidance and direction.

Even if you read the Bible, sometimes, when you look for specific topics, it can hit home hard when it concerns what God wants us to do.  It can hit really hard when it points out to stuff that you have done wrong. So when you look at what the Bible really says about gluttony…well…all I can say is OUCH!!!!

Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s spirit dwells in you?  If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.
1 Corinthians 3:16-17

My body.  Is God’s temple.  And if I destroy that temple.  God is going to destroy me.

How, you might ask, is eating going to destroy your body, when you need food to survive?  Because just eating isn’t what we’re talking about. Gluttony, the definition written above says, is not just greed but habitual greed or habitual excess in eating.

Habit: an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.

Involuntary greed and excess in eating.  

Yes, that will destroy God’s temple.

Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.
Philippians 3:19

God has told us time and time again to love Him, and not have any other gods before him.  When we make gluttony our God, we disrespect God.

But put on the Lord Jesus Chris, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.
Romans 13:14

When we go beyond the bounds of normal human consumption of food, there is really, truly only one reason we are doing that.  We might think that there are other reasons we indulge to the extreme. But really, we are only doing it for gratification. Ok, yes, I understand that the food tastes good.  But you do not physically need an excess amount of food to survive.

I also don’t believe you need to only eat lettuce.  God made Mexican food. And I do love me some Mexican food.  If you have read anything else, you know my love for tacos, and chips and salsa, goes deep.  And I honestly don’t believe enjoying a normal amount of Mexican food (or any other food you love) goes against God.

Excess.  Excess goes against God.  

So what does God say we should do about this?

Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
James 4:7

There is that dirty little “S” word that no one likes to talk about in the Bible.  Submit. And submission itself is a topic that I have been thinking about, and studying, and reading lately.  But honestly, that is a completely different post, that will likely come soon.

Submit: accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person.  

A synonym for submit?  Obedience.

Obey God.  Follow his guidance and direction.  Tie the behavior your are struggling with to what God is telling us to do.  

In my own life, this is absolutely something that I have been feeling on my heart.  A deeper need to follow what God wants me to do. And I truly feel that God is revealing bits and pieces of His plan for my life.  Just a little at a time. And I also feel like God is pointing out areas in my life where I could use some improvement. But instead of feeling overwhelmed, and getting down on myself, I feel support and guidance and love through this process.  I pray that this continues. And knowing God, I know it will.

I Took a Break

I took a break.  From writing, obviously.  

Just at the culmination of the end of my journey with banishing my scale.  

Personally, I needed to work through some things, and deal with some behavior on my own before writing about it.  Nothing bad. But just some things that I need to address.

Plus, it’s the end of the school year, and I happened to contract the plague a few weeks ago that took far too long to recover from. (But hey, I lost 8 pounds!!) (And I’ve only gained 4 of it back!!)

So…first of all…the whole banishing my scale and just being happy with eating healthier was a giant bust.  I failed. Miserably.

Let me explain.

I did, in fact, manage to keep my scale banished until Easter.  On Easter, I broke that bad boy out, and weighed myself, and I was HORRIFIED at the number.  

I gained weight.  And not like a pound.  I gained almost 10 pounds.

I’m certain the jar of peanut butter AND the jar of icing I ate had absolutely nothing to do with that weight gain.  Nope, not a thing.

So I have un-banished my scale.  And have committed to actually eating healthier.  But also, giving myself a break and enjoying a Mexican food feast, mostly guilt free.  

But that isn’t even the biggest thing that I have been addressing.  I was getting down on myself for the wrong thing. Imagine that.

I had a habit.  A bad one. One that I kicked.  But then promptly replaced with food.  So I eat healthy meals. But honestly, the thing that was killing me was the nighttime snacking.  I won’t even be hungry. But there I am, standing in the kitchen, stuffing mass quantities of food in my face.  Yup, that happened.

But once I actually recognized that I had really just replaced that old bad habit with a new bad habit, I feel like I can address such a thing.  And I haven’t had any late night snack attacks since I came to this realization. So…that’s awesome.

But here’s the big thing.  The really big thing that I have been thinking and praying and talking to a few close friends, and of course, the parents.

A few weeks ago, I was in class with a small group of students.  And they brought up some of the stupidity that their generation just can’t seem to get away from.  So during this conversation, told my students that if they didn’t like the way society was going, they need to get involved.  

BE THE CHANGE.

They can make a difference.  

And in that moment, God tapped me on the shoulder.  I didn’t really want to listen at the time, but God definitely tapped me on the shoulder.  

How could I possibly tell my students that they need to be the change, when I was sitting here, not being the change myself???

And when I asked if my role in that change could just, you know, be telling other people to be the change.

Yeah, that didn’t go over so well.  

Shortly after that, I have another revolutionary weekend.  One of the things that has stopped me from going back to school is that I feel too old to do so.  I’m turning 38 this year. And I would need to go to school for at least a couple of years to do what I want.  Meaning I would be at least 40. And I really don’t want to be $30K in debt at the ripe old age of 40. So clearly, I am too old to go back to school.  But then, when it comes to other topics…meaning I’m not too old to get married. I’m not too old to still have children. I’m not too old to do those things.  

I can’t be both too old, and not that old at the same time.

It doesn’t work like that.  

So I gave it all over to God.  

I am consistently giving it all over to God.  Consistently, and constantly reminding myself that I have given it over to God.  And I trust that at the right moment, He is going to open all of the right doors, close all of the wrongs ones, and guide me to what He has in store for me.  

I am slightly terrified, because, you know, I’m human.  But I’m also excited about it. So let’s see where God is taking me on this crazy journey called life!!

An Epidemic is Upon Us

There is an epidemic in our community.  In our state. In our country. In our world.  

As Christians, there are several different topics you might think I’m referring to.  But this one hits home most to me, because I see the effects of it every single day. Our children aren’t being parented at home.  And maybe their parents weren’t parented growing up, so they don’t know how. Maybe life has touched them, damaged them, in a way that they aren’t capable of functioning as a parent.  But the effects in today’s society are prevalent.

Not just prevalent.  They are overwhelming.  

And these effects are seen in both girls and boys.  But, to me, it hits home the most with these boys.

At first glance, even the second, and often the third, these boys come across as with a bad attitude, foul-mouthed, angry, stubborn, disruptive and a menace to society.  And honestly, that isn’t wrong. Because they are boys with bad attitudes, foul-mouthed, angry, stubborn, disruptive, and menaces to society.  Because they have never been taught anything else.

And far too often, these boys are written off as no-good failures at life.  

And my heart is broken.  

My heart is broken, because sometimes, not all, but sometimes, when you take the time to dig deeper, and really get to know these boys, what you see on the surface is far from the entire picture.  Some of these boys have huge hearts, and brilliant minds. But these big hearts and brilliant minds have been beaten down by the hand that life has dealt them.

I know, even though I always have hope, that not every single one of them can be saved.  But I pray that we can reach as many as possible.

And I, as a woman, can love on these boys like a mama bear.  And I do, oh I do. But that isn’t enough. These boys need a man to stand up in their life.  Stand up, and show them what it truly means to be a good man.

But how do we make that happen?

As a society, we can do better.  We must do better.  

Life has handed them a bad start.  But that doesn’t mean they have to be stuck there.